Like Thoughts, Like Smoke
by CanOfAxe
Summary: Every thought is a fleeting one. Every desire is an unnecessary one. Every habit is a need. However, not every need is a habit. Just as a child needs their sugar, so does the elderly, and everyone in between. But there comes a difference. Are you consuming to savor? Or are you consuming to forget?
1. Pilot

This is a sort of... Test chapter. Bunch of words from my head, loosely conjoined together. It's short and sweet, barely 1.3k words.

... I say that it's a bunch of words from my head.., but this is actually based off of a true experience, however loosely it may be. It's a time of my life I don't really like to remember.

Think of this as the unofficial successor to "Walk Beside Me" for a while.

**Disclaimer: Elsword(엘소드) is owned by KoG Corp., Nexon Korea, Kill3rCombo, Giant Network, Gamania, Gameforge, and LevelUp!Games respective to their own regions. Only this story is owned by the authors: Myself**

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><p>"Aha! I found you!" Rena bust through the door of the roof of the school, her emerald hair trailing behind her<p>

"Ahn?! You again? I thought I told you to leave me alone." Raven truly had the eyes of a thug, a true hardcore gangster. Again, he was skipping class to smoke a cigarette on the roof of the school.

Aisha and Elsword peeked through the door when the red-head said, "I don't get why prez still tries..."

"Well, I didn't even expect Raven to come to school today in the first place..." Aisha replied.

Raven had a sort of… fearful stigma among the student body. Raven wasn't a 'normal' kid persay. No, no. 'Normal' wouldn't be the right word to call him. A 'normal' kid isn't a leader of a gang. A 'normal' kid doesn't have all the power the streets of Hamel could bestow.

A 'normal' kid doesn't have a fake Nasod left arm.

"Your attendance is abysmal! It's your fault that our class attendance average is so low!" Rena was still yelling at him. This was a daily occurrence. However, the students, for the life of them, could not fathom why the perfect model, straight-A student would want to hang around such a… such a brute! Rena had been told many a-times that trying to convince him, Raven, the leader of the Crow Gang, would only get herself hurt in the end, whether that be physically, or mentally.

"Why do you care so much? Aren't I free to do what I want to?!"

"Not at school, you're not! Now come on."

Raven, as always, buckled. "Alright, alright. Fine. Just let me finish this."

Rena just scowled as she looked at the stick of tobacco. Her gaze was fixated on the burning rod that was slowly whittling away into ash. Her expression started to soften as she saw the smoke blowing out and the red, burning ring.

Flicking it, Raven got up and walked towards her.

"So, where to now, princess?"

"To class, you delinquent." Yeah, that's right. Rena was the only person he would listen to. Neither of them could explain why, but it just happened.

"Whatever…" Raven picked up his backpack and adjusted his school uniform's tie. He sifted his hand through his hair, slicking it back, and revealing a white streak that went through his hair.

Truth be told, Rena enjoyed having Raven in class. There were two specific reasons.

One was that he got the teacher to stop talking so much. Hey, even she got bored of him sometimes.

The other was…

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><p>*After school, in the library*<p>

"Agh! What the hell is this!?" Rena crumpled her hair and paper in frustration. "Does this problem even make sense!?"

"Can I go now?" Raven looked bored to tears, yawning every other minute.

"No! The teacher told me to keep an eye on you, so I will!" Rena exclaimed while still eyeing the problem.

Was it a theorem she was using wrongly? Was it a typo in the question? How does the cosine of theta be found from something incoherent like this!?

"How do you even do this!?"

"Use the double angle principle to find the sine of _x_, then substitute that value into the tangent value and from there, graph to find the vertex of theta, then put into cosine theorem."

"Oh, okay, that makes sense…"

Wait a minute… who just….

"This stuff is easy. What are you pulling hair out for?" Raven was reading from behind her shoulder.

"D-Did you just… Were you the one who just explained this?"

"No, it was that dude who's in here other than just us two." Raven sarcastically remarked.

Rena decided to test her hypothesis.

"Do this one!" She pointed towards a random problem.

"Use Archimedes' number in coalition with Euler's number, substitute using triple angle theorem. Graph, then find the X-vertex."

That's right.

This was the other reason. Academically, he was a genius. A true prodigy of the ages. How should it be told? Raven was not one to… apply himself in a school-setting. This whole year, he has no less than five suspensions for getting into fights in school and skipping almost every other day…

He was Rena's check. It seemed as if Raven knew almost everything.

What's this compound? Balance this equation.

English? Infinitives and grammar, or whatever?!

Calculus?!

He had an answer. To all of them. It seemed sort of….

Sort of….

"It's not fair…." Rena murmured.

"What?" Raven moved closer to hear her.

"It's not fair!" she exploded.

Startled, Raven recoiled back slightly with a raised eyebrow.

"You have all these gifts, these talents! But you never use them! While on the other hand, _I _have to work my ass off! Everyday, I go home and hit the books for hours and hours on end! Do you know how that makes me feel?! You literally have the exact skills I want! And… And!-"

Raven cut her off.

"Yeah," he said softly. "Life really isn't fair."

"What?-"

"Isn't it the greatest when _life_ is the one that swallows up everyone you know and love? Isn't it the greatest when _life _is the one that leaves you empty? _Life_, the one thing that's supposed to help you live fully?"

"Raven I,-"

"You, who has never had a shortage of love, comfort, security, and kind smiles." He let out a dry chuckle.

"Life really isn't fair, right?"

There was a long pause of silence between the two. Guilt hung over Rena's head.

"Hey, I have a question." She didn't know what to do. She had no idea. She didn't know what to do.

Raven stayed silent.

She asked anyways, "Why do you smoke?"

The hail-mary question.

After another period of silence from the black-haired teen, he responded, "Because it lets me forget."

"_Because it lets me forget."_

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><p>The words rang through Rena's head as she lied on her bed.<p>

"_Because it lets me forget."_

"_Because it lets me forget."_

"_Because it lets me forget."_

"_Because it lets me forget."_

"_It lets me forget."_

"_It lets me forget."_

"_It lets me forget."_

"_It lets me forget."_

"_Lets me forget."_

"_Lets me forget."_

"_Lets me forget."_

"_Forget."_

**FORGET**

She sprang up quickly and walked over to her desk drawer. Opening it, she cleared everything away until she reached the very bottom. Where she revealed to herself

A box of cigarettes.

It was her dirty little secret. Every good girl has one. Hers was the occasional cigarette.

Rena knew her parents would be late again and after today, she really did need a drag. Removing one of the sticks from the box, she put it in her mouth and cracked open a window.

She lit it.

After a long drag, Rena blew it out. The soft edges of the smoke were almost ethereal, almost other-worldly. She had her first cigarette a couple months ago, when things looked hopeless. She was being swamped with school work on top of the exams that were coming up. Her parents were stressed because of projects at their own jobs. Rena had no one to turn to, to talk to. Getting them weren't hard. It was high school, after all.

Compared to other drugs, tobacco was pretty mild, she guessed. She wasn't going out and doing 'Nasod's sugar' or Alteresia-based amphetamines.

Her first drag is a memory she'll never forget.

The smoke filled her lungs, letting them absorb all the nicotine. She exhaled. Immediately, she felt a rush of relaxation, a stimulation of calmness, an ecstasy of tranquility.

Words couldn't possibly describe it.

All the way down to the filter, it burned.

And like how the smoke seemed to dissipate-

-So did her problems.

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><p>Now, I am in no way advocating smoking.<p>

**DO NOT START SMOKING. IT'S NOT GOOD FOR YOU.**

It only exists as an external theme and object of conflict.

Also, like I said, this is based on a true story. Some of the events up in that story are literally copy/pasted from my own memories with the characters shifted with Elsword ones.

Why Elsword characters?

Because why not.

Also, Rena and Raven's pairing has this air of... maturity to tackle such a topic.

Thank you all for reading! No promises I'm going to update this with the most fervor, however..


	2. Nothing

I figured out what I'm going to do with this story! Short, inconsistent updates. This is more of a side project. Chapters in this story will be pretty short, sweet, and... experimental. I'm going to test a new style of writing here that may seem a bit more contemporary. Hopefully, you guys find it more impacting than weird.

Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: Elsword(엘소드) is owned by KoG Corp., Nexon Korea, Kill3rCombo, Giant Network, Gamania, Gameforge, and LevelUp!Games respective to their own regions. Only this story is owned by me.**

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><p>Maybe he'd have been too hard on her before. It wasn't like Raven to burst out at another person like that. Ah, he didn't know. He didn't care… Not one bit…<p>

Yes, he did.

Rena was different. Rena was the only reason why he even went to school.  
>"Ha." He let out a little laugh. It was cheesy, sure. He knew that. He knew that a thug like him would never have a chance with someone like Rena. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe he only cared about Rena because she reminded him so much of-<p>

Raven shook off the thought, and reached into his pocket to take out his box of cigarettes. Opening it revealed a sole cigarette, lonely, and almost… somber.

"You're alone, too, huh?" Raven said to the little reefer of nicotine. "Don't worry, we can spend your last moments together. I'm alone, too. I guess this is fine."

**Nothing is ever fine. Remember that.**

Putting the butt in his mouth, he reached into his right pocket and reached for a lighter. He shielded the flame lighting the cigarette with his metal prosthetic. He suckered on it for a little bit, blowing out the smoke. The cloud was nice and full. He leaned against the wall and sat down for a bit. They should be coming soon.

He heard hurried footsteps.

"Huh, they're earlier today." Raven took his left hand and sifted his hair through his fingers, slicking it back, revealing his signature white streak. Grunting, he got up, finished off his cigarette, and flicked it. He closed his eyes for a bit and when he opened them again, he was surrounded by a group of teenage boys, all looking at him with contempt and spite.

"Back for some more?" He mocked.

"None of your shit, Raven! We're here for our turf back!" One of the boys yelled at him. He seemed to be the leader.

"I actually commend you for trying so hard," he breathed in deeply. "Now," In a flash, it looked like he stepped towards the boy who shouted at him, standing right in front of him, almost pressing against his nose with his own.

He put on a sadistic grin,

"… Don't blink."

*_Wham!*_

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><p>The hallway was eerily quiet that next Monday. Rena, knowing what was going on, boisterously made her way to her class. She opened the door.<p>

"Second straight day of coming to school. A new record for you, don't you think?" Rena sat down and casually started getting ready for her day.

Raven remained silent.

"You know, I really like having you here. The teacher gets too scared to talk and people don't bug me and-"

"I'm sorry," Raven said, his face still turned away from her.

Now Rena was the one who remained silent. Wasn't this supposed to be flipped? Rena should be the one apologizing, not him!

Not him.

Definitely not him.

He continued, however. "I shouldn't have said those things to you yesterday."

What _things_?

There was no _things_! This was her fault.

Raven wasn't really helping with the guilt she felt yesterday.

Keeping up her stone face, she said, "I would like it if you looked at me when you apologize."

She finally looked over to him.

He looked hurt.

The side of his lip was slightly ripped open and his nose had a bandage on it. There was slight bruising around his right eye. Should she ask what was wrong?

He looked hurt.

His eyes were down, and it wasn't his usual scowl. It was a somber emotion that resided on his face. The eyebrows looked heavy on his face. Should she ask what was wrong?

He looked hurt.

"Raven, I-"

*_Ding dong, ding dong*_

Ah damn it. There's the bell. Rena didn't get to say what she had to. The teacher headed in and their day began.  
>Math.<p>

English.

History.

Physics.

*_Ding dong, ding dong*_

Nice. Lunch time. Raven got up to go to his signature location, the roof. Rena silently followed after him. When he noticed, he remained quiet as well. Nothing was to be said. They got to the roof without any hassle.

"Hey," greeted Rena.

"Hey," replied Raven

"Are-, are you okay?" She had big eyes of concern looking towards him. It only seemed right. He apologized; she should ask him if he was okay.

"What? Oh, this? It was just a tiny scuffle," Raven said, while picking at his nose bandage.

"Not… that. Is everything else okay?" Rena clarified.

"It's fine,"

**NOTHING IS EVER FINE. REMEMBER THAT.**

"-How about you?"

"Me? Uh. I'm okay, too."

"Really? You're alright with lying to everyone?"

Rena perked up. What did he say?

"Ex-…Excuse me?" Lying?

"Are you okay," he lit a cigarette. "-With lying to everyone?" He restated.

He lit a cigarette.

Rena backed up to a wall. A drop of sweat fell down her forehead. Raven smashed his mechanical left arm right next to her face, pinning her against a wall.

"You have yellowing around right index and middle fingers, and a perfect, circular burn on your wrist. The chemical dye from the filter of a cigarette. The intentional snuff of a cigarette on your skin."

His analysis left her speechless. He continued.

"You're a smoker. Good news, you tried to quit. I can tell by the burn on your arm. Bad news, it didn't work."

"I-" Rena tried to interject.

"But, people can't know that. You're a role model. An honor student. You have people looking up to you. Tobacco is a drug, you know. What would happen if the student body found that out? You'd probably be ruined-"

"Stop!" She exclaimed. Raven blatantly ignored.

"- Now, I'm going to ask again," His face got closer.

"_Are you okay with lying to everyone?" _

_He _lit a cigarette.

_She_ smoked it.

"_I'm fine."_ Rena gave her answer.

_**Nothing is ever fine.**_

_**Remember that.**_

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><p>Well, there's that. I hope you stick around for Rena's and Raven's crazy spiral!<p>

Edit: Idiot me deleted the chapter instead of replacing. This is a reupload.


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